Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Small Prayer Request...

This is a really small prayer request, but any prayers would be greatly appreciated!

About 4 years ago, I started getting tendinitis in my wrist from writing microscopically for all the "cheat sheets" we were allowed to have on our tests for the "unholy trinity" of junior fall meteorology classes (Atmos. Dynamics, Thermodynamics, and Measurements). My efforts paid off, because God blessed me with passing grades!! Unfortunately, though, my wrist took a hit.

Now I normally don't get a flare up of tendinitis unless I am hand-writing something for a long period of time (which is why I type everything now). However, this morning seemingly out of nowhere I'm sitting here at work clicking away on my mouse and it is starting to give me problems, and it hurts and I'm not getting as much work done.

So if you're reading this, please pray that it goes away soon!! I would be so grateful for your prayers.

Thanks!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

My Rock

If my life were a topographic map of the Western North Carolina mountains, a good chunk of this past summer for me would have been the Linville or perhaps the Nantahala Gorge. Or perhaps Linville Caverns even!! But despite feeling like I was in such a valley not only spiritually but also emotionally, I persevered in faith in the living Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and now I feel like He has lifted me all the way to the peak of Mount Mitchell!

Romans 8:26-39 says:
In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;

and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren;
and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?

Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies;
who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.

Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will (tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

Just as it is written,
"FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG;
WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED."

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.

For I am convinced that neither (death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I love this passage! Simply amazing!! It's just beautiful! Anyone who knows Christ and has been through a period of trial in their life can attest to how wonderful and comforting these promises from God in Romans 8 are. Even if everything around you in the world is imploding,

He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. - Psalm 62:6-8

I love the book of Job. It brought me to tears the first time I read it. Job lost everything; his family, his reputation, his health...everything! Of course when we read the book of Job (by the conversation between God and satan in the first chapter) we know that everything that happened to Job was a test allowed by God, but can you imagine what must have been going through Job's mind as the world around him began to completely crumble? He didn't have a Bible telling him that everything he was going through was merely a test, and that he would eventually be blessed twofold in the end. Anyone who ever tries to tell me that the Old Testament was all about the Law and devoid of faith needs to go read or re-read the book of Job! God was truly Job's rock!! I love what Job says in verse 1:21 after he loses his children:

Naked I came from my mother's womb,
And naked I shall return there
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the LORD."

(Side note: it is my personal belief that the "great wind" mentioned in verse 19 was big fat destructive F5 wedge tornado)

I mean, is that not incredible faith to be able to say that in the midst of searing loss? Reading about Job's faith challenges me in my own faith because I haven't experienced any kind of loss or sorrow on any magnitude that even compares to Job and what he experienced. My valley may have been Linville Gorge, but Job's was the Grand Canyon! If he can say out of pure faith "Blessed be the name of the Lord" (or in the words of the Brooklyn Tabernacle "Hallelujah anyway!")and Job was an ordinary man like you or I then we should be able, by the power of God in Christ, to do so as well!

And then it goes full circle back to Romans 8..."But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us."

Amazing, y'all!!!

Then there's the cross. You think Job's (a mere man) faith was awe-inspiring, it doesn't even compare to the perfect obedience Jesus displayed in His life and His death upon the cross. How amazing that our Lord and living Savior not only rescues us from our sins but also empowers us to overcome anything!!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Phil 4:13

So what's the purpose of it all? Why does God allow us to "overwhelmingly conquer" and "do all things" through Christ? Why goes he even lift us out of the trenches when we go through "down times" as believers? He paid the price for our sins and purchased us redemption...isn't that enough?

It seems that the prosperity theology (which I absolutely abhor and detest) that is so prevalent in America likes to tell us that it's all about us and our benefit. We "do all things through Christ" and "overwhelmingly conquer" so that God will bless us and bestow on us lots of money and all the likes. NO! No! No no no no! It's about HIM...about his glory being displayed to the whole Earth, so that he may redeem some from every tribe, tongue, and nation! He may, out of His grace choose to make you wealthy, but even if He does, it is still about Him! He's only doing it so that you can use that to bless others and to be his hands and feet to reach the lost. Not for your own gain. If we have Christ, we are all rich even if we are penniless, but that richness is not for us. It's so we can take that richness and share it with the rest of the world for His glory!

So here I am figuratively sitting on the top on Mount Mitchell looking at the whole world before me. I can see so much before me, and it's quite exciting and invigorating. I'm not going to lie...God has me in a place right now where I really feel on top of the world. I feel highly blessed, and I don't deserve one bit of it. my joy is truly entwined with my happiness, which hasn't always been the case in my Christian walk. But I am elated that right now it is! And after spending a few months in the gorge, I can really appreciate being lifted out of it and put in this position a lot better than had I not been in the gorge.

But being lifted up like this and experiencing these undeserved blessings are not about me and how I feel. They're about Him, who is my Rock no matter if it is on the top of a mountain or the depth of a valley. No matter if I shouting my joy across the world for everyone to hear or in a place of suffering and sorrow, it is all for Him and for His glory, however He may use it to redeem the world to Himself. Everything I see before me is for Him and His glory, so that the nations can all be reconciled to Him.

God is AWESOME, y'all! Right now it is easy for me to say all this because I am figuratively on top of the world right now. My sincere prayer, though, is that I can say this with as much enthusiasm for His glory no matter what "elevation" I am going through in my walk with Him.

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Oh yeah...I should mention that my team lost :(. Such a big bummer!

As disappointed as I am, though, I am sooo thankful that I am truly a member of the winning Team for all eternity! You can join too!!

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I also took a "Which Jane Austen Heroine are You" quiz. :-D

I got Lizzie!

I am Elizabeth Bennet!


Take the Quiz here!



"You are Elizabeth Bennet of Pride & Prejudice! You are intelligent, witty, and tremendously attractive. You have a good head on your shoulders, and oftentimes find yourself the lone beacon of reason in a sea of ridiculousness. You take great pleasure in many things. You are proficient in nearly all of them, though you will never own it. Lest you seem too perfect, you have a tendency toward prejudgement that serves you very ill indeed."

Haha! That's great! She is my favorite Jane Austen heroine!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

BOOMER SOONER!!!!

This Saturday = Red River Shootout!!! BOOMER SOONER!!!!!!!!! #1, baby :-D. The poor little shorthorns cannot stop our domination!!!!!

"And all the horns of the wicked He will cut off..." Psalm 75:10







Saturday, October 4, 2008

"How Many Kings"

I'm addicted to this CD at the moment (the new Downhere one I mentioned earlier).

Here's a live performance of "How Many Kings"

Friday, October 3, 2008

What it means to be a World Christian

by David Bryant

What, then, shall we call this discovery that can change us so radically and I yet make us so healthy? And, what shall we call those who have experienced it?

By now it should be obvious that all Christians are born again into the Gap between God's world-wide purpose and the fulfillment of it. But there's more than one kind of response to that Gap.

Some are asleep, some are on retreat, and some are determined to stand in the Gap particularly at it's widest end where billions await the opportunity to hear of Christ for the first time. Some are heading into the "sunrise of missions" while others huddle in the shadows. Many move along at a sluggish pace, changing little in the Gap because of their own internal gap-of-unbelief. Others run the race before them setting no limits on how, where, or among whom God will use them.

Some are trapped in boxes or pea-sized Christianity full of myths about missions that rob them of incentive to care about the unreached. Others have broken through into cause-Christianity, ready to reach out with God's love to the ends of the earth. They are determined to make Christ's global cause the unifying focus - the context - for all they are and do in the Gap. Yielded to the mediator, they are willing to be broken and remolded to fit in the Gap wherever they can make the most strategic impact. In turn they're growing to know Christ, obey Him, and glorify Him as the mediator.

So, what shall we call the discovery that redirects Christians toward the needs of the Gap? And how shall we distinguish those who have made it?

Some Christians in the Gap are stunted by selfishness and petty pre-occupations or by a cautious obedience and love reserved for the closest and easiest to care about. How shall we distinguish the others in the Gap whose growth in discipleship is unmistakable, with a vitality that comes only to those who help bring lost sinners from many nations home?

What shall we call this distinct group of Christians who have taken a stand that says:

We want to accept personal responsibility for reaching some of earth's unreached, especially from among the billions at the widest end of the Gap who can only be reached through major new efforts by God's people. Among every people-group where there is no vital, evangelizing Christian community there should be one, there must be one, there shall be one. Together we want to help make this happen.

For a moment, let's call them WORLD CHRISTIANS. Of course, any new term might be misunderstood. For example some might think I said "worldly" Christians, not World Christians. By now we know, however, if you are one you can't be the other. If you are one you don't want to be the other.

No, the term is not in your Bible concordance. Don't worry. It isn't another cliche like the words of the bumper sticker that reads "Honk-if-the-Rapture starts." Nor is it an attempt to label some new spiritual elite who have a corner on a super-secret blessing. Rather, the term describes what all of us are meant to be and what some of us have started to become.

The term "World Christian" may have been coined first by Daniel Fleming in a 1920 YMCA book entitled Marks of a World Christian. More recently the term has appeared in publications of such groups as the WorldTeam missions, Conservation Baptist Foreign Missionary Society, United Presbyterian Center for Mission Studies, the Mission Renewal Teams, Inc., and the Fellowship of World Christians, as well as Campus Crusade for Christ and Inter-varsity Christian Fellowship.

A World Christian isn't better than other Christians. But by God's grace, he has made a discovery so important that life can never be the same again. He has discovered the truth about the Gap, the fact that he is already in it, and the call of Christ to believe, think, plan, and act accordingly. By faith he has chosen to stand in the Gap as a result.

Some World Christians are missionaries who stand in the Gap by physically crossing major human barriers (cultural, political, etc.) to bring the Gospel to those who can hear no other way. But every Christian is meant to be a World Christian, whether you physically "go", or stay at home to provide the sacrificial love, prayers, training, money, and quality of corporate life that backs the witness of those who "go".

World Christians are day-to-day disciples for whom Christ's global cause has become the integrating, overriding priority for all that life is for them. Like disciples should, they actively investigate all that their Master's Great Commission means. Then they act on what they learn.

World Christians are Christians whose life directions have been solidly transformed by a world vision. This is not a term for frustrated Christians who feel trapped into the world missionary movement and sporadically push a few buttons and say they've done their part. Having caught a vision World Christians want to keep that vision and obey it unhesitatingly.

World Christians are (in Corrie Ten Boom's phrase) "tramps for the Lord" who have left their hiding places to roam the Gap with the Savior. They are heaven's expatriates, camping where the kingdom is best served. They are earth's dispossessed, who've journeyed forth to give a dying world not only the Gospel but their own souls as well. They are members of God's global dispersion down through history and out through the nations, reaching the unreached and blessing the families of earth.

By taking three steps we become World Christians. First, World Christians catch a world vision. They see the cause the way God sees it. They see the full scope of the Gap. Next, World Christians keep that world vision. They put the cause at the heart of their life in Christ. They put their life at the heart of the Gap. Then World Christians obey their world vision. Together they develop a strategy that makes a lasting impact on the cause, particularly at the widest end of the Gap.

Many years ago a World Christian named John R. Mott, leader of the Student Volunteer Movement that sent out 20,000 new missionaries, outlined similar steps.

An enterprise which aims at the evangelization of the whole world in a generation, and contemplates the ultimate establishment of the Kingdom of Christ, requires that its leaders be Christian statesmen with far-seeing views, with comprehensive plans, with the power of initiative, and with victorious faith.

Catch! Keep! Obey! - these are the three steps to becoming a World Christian.

Excerpted from In the Gap by David Bryant. Copyright 1979.

Go see it on the Traveling Team website: http://www.thetravelingteam.org/?q=node/365/

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Videos!

So, I'm really getting addicted to this whole blogging thing on here. I was hoping to do something more productive tonight...well, I take that back. I have been productive. I did some crocheting, and I read my Bible, and then I taught myself how to play "How Deep the Father's Love for Us". And now I am trying to embed a video on here. So here it goes:




This is the promo video for the Perspectives class that everyone should take! If we all did the North American church would be on FIRE!

Oh yeah and here's an awesome Allison Krauss song that I like (the video is boring). It's a true story but talk about a double meaning!

Please Pray...

...For my brother. Last night, he and his friend were caught with pot and they spent the night in jail. This morning, he had to appear before a judge and as of right now that's all the details I know.

I've been worried about him for a long time. He's 18 years old, doesn't know the Lord, and doesn't want anyone to tell him about the Lord (though I've done it anyway and he hates it). It's going to take an act of God to change his heart, but I know that our God can do it because He changed my hardened heart, and the hardened hearts of many who I know and love!!

I'm not surprised that he got caught doing weed. I've suspected that he's been doing it for a while now, and possibly (but hopefully not) other illegal drugs that are much more dangerous. Even if marijuana is the only thing he's doing, he's still breaking the law and it can can lead to doing much worse stuff later on down the road.

Honestly, I am glad that he got caught and is going to have to be accountable for his actions now. Though I wish he would have stopped doing that and turned away from it long before getting caught. I am praying that this incident will serve in his heart as a wake up call to him about his choices that he makes, and that the Lord will use this to bring my brother into repentance and a saving and personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I believe that this is why God allowed it to happen. He's young, and seemingly has the whole world ahead of him! He could do amazing things for the kingdom of God!! However, no one knows when they will departing from Earth. If he doesn't turn to Christ now, tomorrow may be too late.

I know my parents are furious and they are most likely going to lay into him really hard (since he still lives at home); especially my dad. I remember the last time he got in really big trouble he tells me that my parents held it over his head for months and I know my brother was really angry about it. As a result, he isolated himself even further from everyone in our family, including me. Pray for my parents as they're having to deal with this. Also, I am praying (and could use prayer) that God will give me the right words to say the next time I speak to my brother. I want to speak Truth to him in a way that shows that it is out of a love and concern for him, and not a desire to make him feel worse about what he has already done. I imagine that because he knows that I am a Christian and that I don't agree with some of the choices he makes, he is dreading having to talk to me. I want him to know that I love him, but at the same time, uncompromisingly convey to him what he most needs to hear.

Thank you! And God bless you!!!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

It's that time of year again...

This week we're forecasted to have a cold front come through and then have low temperatures at night (and in my humble opinion, in the day as well). This can only mean one thing: it's leaf time! You see, in order for the chlorophyll to break down in the leaves, exposing the other color pigments than green (such as red, yellow, and orange), it is necessary to have several nights in a row with cold temperatures. Here in Asheville, we have about a month and a half of good leaf viewing time because the color begins to change in the higher elevations (5000+ feet) and slowly spreads down the mountains.

Ok, so that's my nerdy meteorology tidbit for the day. Perhaps tomorrow, I'll talk about something even more nerdy, such as Convective Available Potential Energy :), or how hailstones form (those two are actually quite related...).

In case anyone is curious about why I am randomly talking about autumn leaves, it is because it was the first thing that came to mind as I was reading this passage in Colossians this evening and it is talking about all things being created:

"He (Jesus) is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him" - Colossians 1:15-16.

One way that I really feel like I deeply connect with God is by being out in His creation and just taking in the splendor and the beauty of it. I mean, everywhere I look, whether it be the rolling windswept plains of Texas or the mesas in the Arizona desert or the waves crashing against the rocks and sand along the Great Ocean Road in Australia, I see beauty. So therefore, I see God's fingerprints everywhere. I remember hiking up Mt. Pisgah with one of my friends and we were just looking at the formation of the mountains shadowed by the setting sun. It was just beautiful, seeing how God molded those mountains like clay.

I love those serene moments, when I can enjoy something beautiful in our world that God has created, and I can take it in realizing just how big and awesome our God is! Autumn is my favorite season in the mountains. When the leaves start turning colors, it is almost too much beauty for my eyes to take in. In fact, it is too much beauty for my eyes to take in.

It's easy for us to look at this beauty in these moments and selfishly think to ourselves "wow...God, you created all of this for me! What a wonderful world I live in!" But Colossians puts it into proper perspective: they are His leaves! They are His mountains! They are his mesas, and his foamy white waves! They are for Him and His glory. However, we're blessed that He chooses to share His glory with us. He didn't have to. He didn't have to give us eyes to see beautiful snowcapped mountains or noses to smell the sweet fragrance of wisteria on a warm spring afternoon or ears to hear the relaxing sound of ocean waves crashing against the shore. Creation isn't about us, or our enjoyment of it, like I've heard so many people sigh to themselves when they experience one of those serene moments that I mentioned before. It's about God, and His glory! He just chose to share it with us, so that when we would experience it, we would fall to our faces in awe before Him, so that He in turn would receive even more glory.

Here's some photos I took last year of the autumn leaves in the mountains. It's not just for enjoying, but also for taking the time to give our glorious Creator praise.









Monday, September 29, 2008

High School-esque Christian Survey

I remember being in high school and filling out these things and sending them to my friends all the time. I'm not really into them now, but I was feeling really bored this afternoon, had gotten a lot of work done, and needed a short break :). Enjoy! And if you read this, feel free to fill it out yourself because I am more interested in others' answers than mine.


Have you been Saved? Yes


Have you been Baptised? Yes


Which church do you attend? Presently, Biltmore Baptist Church


Do you read your Bible daily? I make a concerted effort to, though I would be lying if I said I did read it every single day. I always feel a small sense of emptiness when I don't. I should, and I’ve been doing a lot better as of late.


Where is your Bible right now? It’s at home on the floor right beside my bed


Which version of the Bible do you read? Usually the New American Standard. I also have an NIV and a NKJ New Testament


Whats your favorite book in the Bible? I like John a lot because of the way Jesus is described. Also, Romans. It’s the first missionary support letter ever sent to the church and Paul portrays the Gospel very straightforwardly, which I like. Honestly, though, I don’t really like picking a favorite because they’re all part of God’s Word. God’s Word is my favorite, how 'bout that :).


Do you listen to Christian Music OUTSIDE of Church? Of course! I’d rather listen to Christian music than non-Christian music.


Favorite Biblical Person? Jesus Christ


Why? Because He is the living Lord and Savior who died on the cross for my sins and was resurrected on the third day.


Anything you just dont understand? Sure…a good chunk of Revelation.


Would you name your child after someone in the Bible? Yes…there are a lot of names from the Bible that I like for both genders.


Favorite passage? Again I hate playing favorites but here are some that I do love. I really love Psalm 67. This might seem cliché, but John 3:16. Romans 1:16, Isaiah 43:1-3, Romans 8:38-39. Those are just that stand out to me right now. I’m sure if asked again I’d have plenty more come to mind


Do you pray a lot? Matthew 6:5.


Define prayer: In my own words: talking to God by means of praising Him, giving Him thanks, confessing sins before Him and asking for forgiveness, interceding for others, sharing with Him the innermost desires of the heart, and asking Him requests.


Are your friends Christians? Most of them are. I have some non-Christian friends too.


What do you think of other religions? John 14:6: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father but through Me.”


What is your strongest Spiritual Gift? According to the little online spiritual gifts test, administration was my strongest followed by teaching. But from what I’ve heard other people say, I think teaching might be the strongest. It really doesn’t matter, though :). I am happy to have any spiritual gifts that God would so graciously bestow on me


Do you share the word of God with others? Yes


Do you believe in Reincarnation? No! Hebrews 9:27 says “And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment”


When was the last time you read the Bible? Well, if you count me looking up Hebrews 9:27 on biblegateway.com, a few minutes ago. But the last time I really sat down and read a good portion of the Word was last night.


When was the last time you went to Church? Yesterday


Do you go to sunday school? We don’t call it that, but yes.


Do you participate in your Church activities? Yeah


Do you tithe? I give when God lays it on my heart to do so.


Do you think it's best to let your children find their own way? What other alternative is there? No one is born into being a believer. You aren't instantly a Christian because you were born to Christian parents. We’re all born drowning in our sin. It is up to God to pluck us out of the water and save us. Of course, my children will grow up learning the Truth, but ultimately their salvation is between each of them and God.


Do you believe in Heaven and Hell? Absolutely


Do couples that pray together stay together? If they’re married, they should. Because marriage is a lifelong covenant with God and should not be taken lightly. I think that married couples who put God in the center of their marriage (which of course includes praying together) are very far less likely to divorce. If couples are not married, however, they should still put God at the center of their relationship meaning that they should only stay together as long as they both mutually feel that God is heading the relationship toward marriage. If God says “no”, then the relationship should end.


Do you find yourself in tears quite often in Church? Honestly, no. But I am not one of those people who cries a lot about anything, whether it be something positive or negative. There have been a few instances, though…

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Downhere Lyrics

One of my favorite bands, Downhere, released a new album today. They're one of the few Christian bands where I listen and I am both really impressed with their sound, and their lyrics!! Usually, it's one or the other (either a band has a good sound with mediocre lyrics or vice versa). I haven't bought the whole album yet, but I had a chance to hear a few of the songs. Here are some of the lyrics:

The Problem
By: Martel/Germain

There's got to be some reason for all this misery
A secret evil corporation somewhere overseas
They're pulling strings, arranging things
It's a conspiracy

Or what about the ones who shape the course of history?
What if we petitioned for one grand apology?
I'll write to my prime minister
You, write your president

Everybody's wondering how the world could get this way
If God is good, and how it could be filled with so much pain
It's not the age-old mystery we made it out to be
Yeah, there's a problem with the world
And the problem with the world is me

Some will say the devil and his legions
They put us in a headlock of submission
But they lost all power over me
A long, long time ago

And since I was a kid you know I've caused a lot of hurt
And no one ever taught me how to put myself first
It came so very naturally
But I'm not a prodigy

So I will look no further than a mirror
That's where the offender hides
So great is my need for a redeemer
That I cannot trust myself
No, I cannot trust myself
I dare not trust myself
So I trust in someone else

The sooner you can sing along, The sooner you can sing this song
The sooner you can sing along, The sooner you can sing this song
The sooner you can sing along, The sooner you can sing this song
The happier we'll be, the happier we’ll be

The sooner you can sing along, The sooner you can sing this song
The happier we'll be
The problem with the world is me

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Cathedral Made Of People
by: Martel/Germain

If they shut down the churches
Where would you go?
If they melted all the stained-glass windows
Replaced every sanctuary with a condo
Where would you go?
Where would you go?

We are a cathedral made of people
In a kingdom that the eye can't see
We're a house, we are the bride
Where God's Spirit lives inside
And nothing ever could stand against her

If they burned every Bible
What would you know?
If they tore your marked-up pages
How would you grow?
And declared your devotion to be criminal
What would you know?
What would you know?

When they throw you in prison
What will you do?
When they hate you for the things
That you know are true
They can tear down this temple
But they can't touch you

We are a cathedral made of people
In a kingdom that the eye can't see
We're a house, we are the bride
Where God's Spirit lives inside
And nothing ever could stand against her

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How Many Kings
By: Martel/Germain

Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we've projected
A child in a manger?
Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mother's shawl
Just a child
Is this who we've waited for? Cuz ...

How many kings step down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
And how many gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that is torn all apart
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn Savior
All that we have, whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for His honor and frankincense for His pleasure
And myrrh for the cross He’ll suffer
Do you believe?

How many kings step down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
And how many gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that is torn all apart
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
Is this who we've waited for?

Only one did that for me
Oh, all for me, Oh
All for me, all for you
All for me, all for you

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Those are just a few of the ones I've heard the whole way through. I read the lyrics to some of the songs I haven't heard yet and they're awesome too! if you get a chance you should definitely check out the album!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The beginning of my story...

Before I share anything else on this blog, I’d like to share the story about how I came to know the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior. I love hearing the testimonies of others because I think God gets so much glory and it is always a huge encouragement to me, so I would like to share my story.


I grew up in a family where God was never really the first priority. My mom enrolled me in Vacation Bible School over the summer when I was really young, and we would occasionally go to church. There were brief periods in my life where at least my mom and I would attend church regularly. But throughout this time, I believe that I had some kind of demonic presence in my life (I believe that I was possessed but it’s also possible I could have just been horrifically oppressed). I remember waking up in the middle of the night one time as a kid and desecrating a New Testament for no good reason that my grandmother had given me. And throwing temper tantrums about going to church on Sundays when we did go (unless it was my 2nd grade Sunday School class because my teacher was one of my favorite school teachers). My mom once told me that she would come in as I was sleeping as a child and hear me in what sounded like “evil sounding gibberish”.


When I was 8, I decided that I wanted to get baptized. Not because I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and had truly understood what I had done (apparently I had, but I have no memory of it, and was only doing it because I knew that I had to in order to get baptized). I just thought the idea of being dunked into a pool sounded cool, and I also wanted to be able to drink grape juice in church and knew that I had to be baptized before I could do that. However, the church we went to was one of those churches that has an “age of accountability” before a person gets baptized, and I was not to that age yet. It was probably a good thing that I didn’t get baptized then because at that point I didn’t understand Christ’s sacrifice nor did it didn’t mean anything to me.


My adolescence was rough. I was picked on in school, and I was really angry about it, but most of the anger was unjustified. When I was in the 5th grade, I started dabbling into the occult, playing with an old Ouija board and playing other occult games that are common at sleepovers. While I didn’t notice it at the time, it was also around that time that the evil/demonic activity in my life stepped up. I was a lot angrier, but it would get to the point where I felt like I was outside my own body doing horrible stuff to people and that I didn’t understand why. Like it wasn't me doing it, but it was and I had no excuse. But I felt like I had to do it anyway, even if I didn't want to, so I did. I'll spare you the specifics on what some of those things were. I’d feel hate against people for no good reason (even people I was supposed to love), and I’d fantasize about ways that I could tear them down.


Simultaneously, I went through several phases in my spirituality. I did go to church throughout some of this time, but it was never without a fight. I’d go hide in the bathroom to avoid having to go to Sunday School, or pitch a fit outside for everyone to see, and it was such an embarrassment to my parents that they stopped making me go altogether. There was one point where I truly and honestly believed that I was the center of the universe and everyone and everything around me was there for me and my benefit, including other people. Then I went through a phase where I called myself an atheist and completely rejected the idea that there was even a God (I didn’t actually believe this, though). After that, I decided that I wanted to be Wiccan and so I bought a book where I could learn to cast spells and manipulate my own environment. I thought maybe I could curse all of the people I hated and make their lives miserable that way. I also thought that I could make guys who I liked that didn’t pay attention to me (I didn’t seemed to be noticed much by guys in the 9th grade) fall in love with me. However, none of that really worked for me and nothing changed so I got out of that phase, and from then until my freshman year of college, I just decided that I didn’t care about anything having to do with God. I was young and invincible. I could worry about that later. And I told myself that I was happy.


But I wasn’t. People stopped picking on me in high school, especially towards the end, but I was still full of unjustified hate and bitterness. I had a few really good friends, but I never felt like I fit in anywhere except with those few people. I wanted to be well-liked and admired. I had this inane desire for people to envy me, and if it wasn’t fulfilled I wasn’t satisfied. And it wasn’t fulfilled at all. People didn’t envy me. Instead, parents didn’t want their children to have anything to do with me because I was such a poor influence, and those people themselves saw right through me into all the ugliness inside and avoided me. Some of it may have all been in my head, too, because I was constantly paranoid. But many didn’t know about the inner-turmoil inside of me, because I kept it to myself and tried to pretend like I was ok. There was something missing in my life, and a huge gap inside my heart. When guys finally did start to pay attention to me around my sophomore year of high school, these guys became the thing that would fill the gap where I was empty and hurting. I always had to have a boyfriend to make me happy. And if I lost one, I’d have to go find a replacement in order to be happy again.


I went off to college thinking that it was a fresh start and that I could completely reinvent myself and then everything would be ok. In some ways I did reinvent myself. I told myself that I would be open-minded towards people, and I made more efforts to reach out and try to make friends. I even pledged a sorority my spring semester of my freshman year, excited that I had been “accepted” into a group of people. However, the same core issues of my heart where there, and I still felt myself harboring random hate in my heart that had no explanation. I felt like a slave to it. I also still had to have a boyfriend to be happy about myself. But it was here, in this new openness where I met and observed so many Christians who were sincere people and were genuine about their faith. I never attended their ministry events or attended their Bible studies that year, but their lives silently spoke to my heart in ways that would later prepare me to have my own encounter with the living God!


Everything changed in the summer and fall of 2003. I was beginning my sophomore year of college. Over the spring and summer, I had three near-death experiences. One involved hydroplaning and a semi running me off the road (which nearly sent me into oncoming traffic), then a car accident exactly a month later (into the path of a tornado) where the car I was riding in flipped and there probably should have been serious injuries. Miraculously, no one was hurt, and we were able to get out of that path before it hit. Then a little over a month later, I got really sick and wound up in the hospital a few times. These events acted as a wake-up call to my mindset on invincibility, and made me realize how fragile my life was. If I had died, how would people have remembered me? Where would I go after I died? Deep down, I knew the answer to that question, that it deeply disturbed me inside.


I felt very convicted about all the horrible thoughts that felt owned me, and all of the horrible things I had done to different people throughout the years. I had always felt like this stuff defined me and that there was no hope that I could be anything else. I mentioned earlier that I believe I had a demonic presence in my life …I didn’t really know anything about demons or how they could inflict people that at the time, but I also felt like, while those actions and thoughts defined me, that I didn’t understand completely where they came from and what motivated me to want to think and do these irrational things. It was like an urge that I couldn’t explain, and it would come out of nowhere. I felt like a complete slave to my thoughts and actions, and I wanted to be set free.


It was one crisp afternoon in October of 2003 (at least I think it was October…I can’t remember the exact day; I just remember how I felt that day). The library was having a used book sale, and I was on the way back from my Calculus class. I like to read, and I wanted to find something to read outside since it was such a nice day. As I was browsing the books, suddenly I felt an urge which was similar to the kind of urges normally I felt in that it was completely unexplained, but at the same time completely different because the urge was of a completely different nature. Rather than feeling the compulsion to do something mean or hateful, I had the urge to buy and read a book about Jesus! I found a book by Bob George called Classic Christianity: Life’s too Short to Miss the Real Thing for 25 cents, and so I bought it and began to read it on a grassy embankment under a grove of trees right over by the library.


It was literally as if shackles had fallen from my eyes! (Acts 9:18) I felt like the Apostle Paul did after he had been blind for three days and could suddenly see again!


The author explained how the Bible says that EVERYONE has sinned and fallen short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23), and that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23; not just physical death but also eternal separation from God). Wow! I had always had this idea that being a Christian was about not sinning and that the only people who could be right with God were those who hadn’t screwed up. The reason that people died and went to heaven is because they had lived a good like and been a good person (which I knew was already beyond me because I had been a bad person). But now, I realized that I was no worse than anyone else. Everyone was just as guilty as me in God’s eyes. In a way, this to me was good news because before I had felt so alone and beyond hope. But now I knew I wasn’t. If everyone is guilty, then there must be some way that we can be reconciled with God, right? After all, some people claim that they know they’re going to heaven.


I kept reading….”but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 6:23 contd.). Eternal life was a gift? Again, I thought it was something I had to earn by being good, or maybe since I now knew that everyone was guilty of sin, something I could now earn by being good from that point on. But a gift? A gift is not something that a person could earn, like a wage. This was truly good news indeed! But how could I have this gift? And what did Jesus have to do with it?


The author then shared the story of Jesus coming to earth as the Son of God, living a blameless life, dying on the cross, and then being resurrected on the third day. And that by this sacrifice, God accepted it as payment for our sins so that we could freely receive salvation as God’s gift. Romans 5:8 says that “God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were STILL SINNERS, Christ died for us”. It was the same story that I had heard countless times at a younger age in Sunday School and VBS. Before, I had always thought it to be nothing more than a nice story, but now this story was powerful. It had personal meaning to me. It meant that after all the horrible stuff that I had done to people both in my actions and in my thoughts and after all the horrible things I had said against God Himself, that he could still forgive me! I could be made clean! Why wouldn’t I want this gift?


Revelation 3:20 says “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If ANYONE hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him”. I knew that I was hearing God calling to me. It was something I couldn’t resist. All my preconceived notions of being a believer in Christ were completely shattered. It wasn’t about being a good person or being legalistic (“don’t do this, don’t do that”). God wasn’t keeping a tally of all the good and bad things that I had done in my life! He had sent his Son so that I could be forgiven! It was only a natural outpouring of my heart to cry out to the name of Jesus, asking for His forgiveness and asking Him to come into my life and be my Savior (Romans 10:9,10,13). It wasn’t a prayer that I was reading off a page, or repeating after a pastor; it was a heartfelt cry of my soul!


From then-on, my life was truly changed! No longer did I feel unexplained extreme emotions of hate or urges to hurt people. It was replaced with joy! I wanted to go around and tell everyone about this awesome discovery that I had just made!! I no longer felt like I was a slave to all of the sinful things that I had done, but that I was set free. This spirit that I constantly felt torturing my soul over all these years had gone! I will admit that I still feel it try to come back into my life and try to take over again (especially when I am going through a stressful time), but it can't and it never has because I have victory in Jesus Christ!! Over time I discovered that I no longer needed antidepressants. I was truly free! I had this outpouring of my spirit to want to do good things, not as a means of earning favor with God, but because I love God and want to bring Him glory. It was affirmed in my spirit that I was truly a new creation in Christ! (2 Corinthians 5:17). It wasn't like I never got mad or never met a person I didn't get along with again, but that behavior or thought pattern no longer owns me like it used to. Instead it has been replaced with a gentler, more quiet spirit, that is closer in resemblance to the Lord Jesus Christ!


I started reading the Bible, and learned so much about who God was and what I could expect as a new believer. I felt led to ask lots of people who I had hurt for forgiveness. God still reveals news situations and asks this of me 5 years after the fact. I see all sorts of God’s promises being fulfilled in my life. I made many new friends in my new faith, and lost some of my old ones who were less accepting of the change in my life. I’ve seen God work all sorts of miracles. After much prayer He healed my underactive thyroid, which I was told was something that I’d I’d have the rest of my life!!


Not everything changed in my life overnight. For example, it took me a while to break the habit of always having to have a boyfriend. I was no longer feeling an insatiable need to have that in my life, because now the presence of God in my life filled the gap that I was feeling in my heart. But I was just used to always having someone around, and didn’t want to give that up right away. But God has done a mighty work in my heart, and now I can say that I am satisfied as a single woman. Marriage is a desire of my heart still, but now I can truly say that I could go my entire life without ever being married and still find the same satisfaction in the Lord that I would feel married. I feel that God is calling me to be a missionary, so it’s possible that this may be a reality for me. One thing I do know for sure: God's plan will be the best plan!


There are still many works that God is doing in my life. An example of this is that after so many years of being cold towards most people, He’s been teaching me how to love people the same way that Jesus loves us; teaching me how to be compassionate and warm, how to share my heart and not just my judgments, and how to bear the burdens of others. I spent so many years being cold and closed to people I never took the time to get to know,but God is continually breaking me of old habits. I still have a long way to go, but I praise God for the work that He is doing within.


I could go on and on about how amazing God is! God can do the same work in your life as well. He loves you, and desires for you to love Him. Will you let Him in?